A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"
MY WISH FOR YOU...
-Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.
-Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it.
-Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.
-Where there is fear, I wish you love, and Courage.
Wednesday, 31 August 2016
Shocking Priest
A woman has made a startling confession about her Sexuual involvement with a catholic priest.
According to TUKO, the woman (name withheld) is a Kenyan and she has revealed that she and the priest have been dating for a year but she just can’t handle the impending doom awaiting her on judgment day for letting her eyes fall on a man of the cloth.
“I am 34-years-old and making love to a priest who took an oath of celibacy. I love him so much but sometimes I feel as if I am making a big mistake against God and the church. I want to leave him but he just can’t let me go,” lamented the lady.
She further said that whenever she brought up the matter about her exit, he would seduce her and convince her that things had a way of working themselves out.
“He says he is considering leaving the church to be with me, to marry me but I don’t think it would be right for him. If he does so, he will be ex-communicated from the church and I don’t have the money to financially support him,” added the woman.
For fear of him resenting her, she wishes he could just let go so that she can be happy and guilt free.
Tuesday, 30 August 2016
Amazing Facts
Today is Charlie Chaplin's 125th birthday - a good day to recollect his 3 heart-touching statements:-
(1) Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
(2) I like walking in the rain, because nobody can see my tears.
(3) The most wasted day in life is the day in which we have not laughed.
LIFE is to be enjoy with whatever you have with you, keep smiling
If you feel STRESSED,
Give yourself A Break.
Enjoy Some..
Icecream/ Choclates/ Candy/ Cake
Why?
B'Coz
STRESSED backwards spelling
is DESSERTS ...enjoy
Alphabetic advice for you:
A B C
Avoid Boring Company..
D E F
Don't Entertain Fools..
G H I
Go for High Ideas .
J K L M
Just Keep a friend like ME..
N O P
Never Overlook the Poor n suffering..
Q R S
Quit Reacting to Silly tales..
T U V
Tune Urself for ur Victory..
W X Y Z
We Xpect You to Zoom ahead in life
Very ....beautiful lines pls store it.
ONE Good FRIEND is equal to ONE Good Medicine. . .
Likewise ONE Good Group is equal to ONE Full medical store...
Six Best Doctors in the World-
1.Sunlight 2.Rest 3.Exercise 4.Diet
5.Self Confidence & 6.Friends
Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy healthy life
If you see the moon ..... You see the beauty of God .....
If you see the Sun ..... You see the power of God ..... And ....
If you see the Mirror. You see the best Creation of GOD .
So Believe in YOURSELF. We all are tourists & God is our travel agent who has already fixed all our Routes Reservations & Destinations
So!
Trust him & Enjoy the "Trip" called LIFE...
Our aim in life should be
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0
🔹9-glass drinking water.
🔹8-hrs sound sleep.
🔹7-wonders tour with family.
🔹6-digits income
🔹5-days work a weeks
🔹4-wheeler.
🔹3-bedroom flat or Duplex house
🔹2-cute children.
🔹1-sweetheart.
🔹0-tension!
One Life will never come Again. .. .Live Today. . .
(1) Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
(2) I like walking in the rain, because nobody can see my tears.
(3) The most wasted day in life is the day in which we have not laughed.
LIFE is to be enjoy with whatever you have with you, keep smiling
If you feel STRESSED,
Give yourself A Break.
Enjoy Some..
Icecream/ Choclates/ Candy/ Cake
Why?
B'Coz
STRESSED backwards spelling
is DESSERTS ...enjoy
Alphabetic advice for you:
A B C
Avoid Boring Company..
D E F
Don't Entertain Fools..
G H I
Go for High Ideas .
J K L M
Just Keep a friend like ME..
N O P
Never Overlook the Poor n suffering..
Q R S
Quit Reacting to Silly tales..
T U V
Tune Urself for ur Victory..
W X Y Z
We Xpect You to Zoom ahead in life
Very ....beautiful lines pls store it.
ONE Good FRIEND is equal to ONE Good Medicine. . .
Likewise ONE Good Group is equal to ONE Full medical store...
Six Best Doctors in the World-
1.Sunlight 2.Rest 3.Exercise 4.Diet
5.Self Confidence & 6.Friends
Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy healthy life
If you see the moon ..... You see the beauty of God .....
If you see the Sun ..... You see the power of God ..... And ....
If you see the Mirror. You see the best Creation of GOD .
So Believe in YOURSELF. We all are tourists & God is our travel agent who has already fixed all our Routes Reservations & Destinations
So!
Trust him & Enjoy the "Trip" called LIFE...
Our aim in life should be
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0
🔹9-glass drinking water.
🔹8-hrs sound sleep.
🔹7-wonders tour with family.
🔹6-digits income
🔹5-days work a weeks
🔹4-wheeler.
🔹3-bedroom flat or Duplex house
🔹2-cute children.
🔹1-sweetheart.
🔹0-tension!
One Life will never come Again. .. .Live Today. . .
Agric
We need to rethink the hype about agriculture. Farming is not it,, it is the business of agriculture. Read the piece below.
A lengthy read but worth reading for any Agripreneuer...
One of the best reads in recent times. We should learn and practice it. Abeg don't run with the headline.
----------------------------------------☆☆☆
Agriculture is NOT the MAGIC solution
Simon Kolawole
Anytime I hear Nigerian presidents, ministers, governors, economists, analysts and commentators declare that agriculture is the alternative to oil, and that the solution to Nigeria’s economic woes is to return to the farm, I am tempted to jump up and ask at full volume: “Who agriculture alone don epp?”
Some states have hilariously declared work-free days for civil servants to go to the farm. It would be nice to see those farms and how well the emergency farmers are doing. We’ve been told again and again that agriculture, as Nigeria’s biggest employer of labour, is the magic solution to unemployment, that we will export agricultural produce and earn plenty forex. Well done.
I’ve been hearing this fairy-tale all my life. When I was a primary school kid, Lt. Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo, then head of state, asked Nigerians to tighten their belts because the oil boom would not last forever. He added drama by tightening his military belt on TV. He launched Operation Feed the Nation. My grandfather responded by setting up a garden in our backyard. President Shehu Shagari did Green Revolution. The structural adjustment programme (SAP) of Gen. Ibrahim Babangida was basically about diversifying into agriculture. In different shapes, forms, sizes and packaging, we have been talking about agriculture, agriculture and agriculture forever.
Since we love glamorising our exploits in the export of cocoa, coffee, palm oil and groundnuts before the oil boom doom, I will pick on just cocoa to dispel this ill-conceived notion and never-ending campaign that agriculture is the magic wand.
We used to be the biggest producers of cocoa in the world. Chief Obafemi Awolowo utilised cocoa revenue to develop the south-west when he was premier of the region in the 1950s. But we dropped the ball along the line and Cote d’Ivoire overtook us. And now we are lamenting that we are nowhere to be found. The solution, therefore, is for the south-west to revive the cocoa farms. Oh, the good old days!
Okay, let us talk about Cote d’Ivoire’s fabled cocoa wealth. Cote d’Ivoire produces 33% of world cocoa and exports to manufacturers such as Hershey’s, Mars Inc. (both in the US) and Nestlé (Switzerland). You know what Cote d’Ivoire earns yearly from exporting raw cocoa? A whopping $2.5bn. I repeat: a whopping $2.5bn!
So Mars buys Ivorien cocoa and makes several products from it: Bounty, M&M, Mars and Milky Way, to name a few. You know Mars’ net income from chocolate products alone in 2015?
According to the International Cocoa Organisation (ICCO), Mars made a pathetic $18bn, compared to Cote d’Ivoire’s whopping $2.5bn. Agriculture, indeed.
If you are wondering how just one company, which manufactures chocolate, can earn seven times more than a whole country, which farms and exports the cocoa input, then you are asking the same question with me: Who agriculture alone don epp?
On ICCO’s list of the world’s top 10 companies in net revenue from chocolate, you have three from America, two from Japan, two from Switzerland, and one each from Luxemburg/Italy, Argentina and Turkey. None from Cote d’Ivoire, Ghana and Indonesia — the world’s three biggest producers of raw cocoa. There must be something that Hershey’s, Mars and Nestlé know that we don’t know as we keep planting cocoa.
To be fair, Cote d’Ivoire is waking up. In 2015, French chocolatier Cémoi opened a plant in Abidjan, the economic capital, to produce chocolate. President Alassane Ouattara, on touring the plant, said: “We want to be able to make chocolate for Ivoriens, for Africans and especially West Africans.” Ouattara (pronounced Wa-ta-ra) understands what we still don’t understand here: that agriculture without industry is dead, being alone.
How could I buy cocoa worth $1m from you and make chocolate worth $10 million from it — and you think you are smart? If you are smart, you will start making the chocolate yourself and stop romanticising about the “good old days”.
There was a video that went viral sometime ago. CNN’s Richard Quest visited a cocoa farm in Cote d’Ivoire. Come and see poverty written all over the faces of the farmers, who have been told for decades that agriculture is the magic solution to their problems. Quest gave the farmers bars of chocolate. They were eating the sweet stuff for the first time in their lives!
Compare their lives to those of the executives of Mars Inc., who buy the cocoa beans from Cote d’Ivoire. They are flying private jets and holidaying in the moon, while the Ivorien farmers are fighting off flies and bees in the bushes of Koffikro. For your information, Mars Inc. has no cocoa farms!
Don’t get me wrong please. If I have created the impression that agriculture is useless, I do apologise. That is not my intention. After all, agriculture is our culture. Millions of Nigerians are farming rice, beans, cassava and corn. That is huge employment. Also, we certainly can produce many food items that we are importing and burning precious forex on. But is that why governors are declaring work-free days for civil servants to go and plant melon and maize to solve Nigeria’s economic problem and stop the dependency on oil? If only these governors knew that Switzerland does not grow one tree of cocoa, yet makes the world’s most elegant chocolates!
Let us break this whole agric logic into pieces. If we really want to diversify from oil and create proper value, agriculture must give birth to industry. If agriculture currently employs, say, 5 million Nigerians, agro-allied industry can employ 15 million in the value chain. So why do we spend so much time discussing farming and not industry? For example, how many graduates can a tomato farm employ compared to a factory making tomato purée? The factory will employ or engage the services of engineers, technicians, chemists, marketers, accountants, communicators, lawyers, administrators, drivers, and so on. It may even have a sick bay and employ doctors and nurses.
I’m not done. A basket of tomatoes sells for N800 in Kaduna. A 400g tin of purée sells for N300. Look at how many bottles of purée you can get from a basket, and how much value you will be getting. Who, then, is making the real money? The factory will pay company tax, its employees will pay PAYE and the consumers will pay VAT. That is how government will boost its revenue.
The purée bottle makers offer a different business altogether that employs workers and pays all kinds of taxes too. And if we are good enough, we can begin to export purée to other countries, and earn forex. This is just purée. Think of a thousand agro-allied factories. Think of our huge population.
Sure, agriculture is very important in a primitive economy like ours. But we always miss the bigger picture. One, we need full optimisation of the sector to enhance productivity. A country like the US knows this much better: the percentage of the population engaged in farming is insignificant, but it is so optimised that the output is out of this world. For instance, the US produces enough rice for local consumption, for export, for aid and to dump in the sea to “stabilise” market prices. Two, processing is where you find the massive job opportunities. The agro-industry will yield far more output, more jobs and more economic value than Benue Friday Farming.
These things look so simple and doable, but commonsense is not common. Our agricultural output can be far better in quantity and quality than currently obtains. We can do with better technology, storage, conditioning, packaging and transportation. Most importantly, our brains should focus on how industry can bring out the real value of agriculture and spark off a chain of economic activities that will create millions of good jobs and generate billions of dollars in revenue to investors, employees and government. But we seem excited only about preaching and promoting the export of raw produce, and we feel so smart we think this is the way out of our oil dependency!
But how can we add value when, despite the billions of dollars we have made from oil since 1999, we don’t have the basic infrastructure to inspire an agro-based industrial explosion? Where are the roads? Where are the rails? Where is the electricity? Where is the security? Where is the finance? Yet I can point to uncountable private jets, mansions and customised cars that politicians and their friends have acquired since 1999 with proceeds from the oil boom , while they keep preaching stone-age agriculture to Nigerians.
So if your governor joins this craze of declaring work-free days for primitive farming, just ask him politely:Your Excellency, who agriculture alone don epp?
Follow us on twitter @thecableng
Copyright 2016 TheCable.
A lengthy read but worth reading for any Agripreneuer...
One of the best reads in recent times. We should learn and practice it. Abeg don't run with the headline.
----------------------------------------☆☆☆
Agriculture is NOT the MAGIC solution
Simon Kolawole
Anytime I hear Nigerian presidents, ministers, governors, economists, analysts and commentators declare that agriculture is the alternative to oil, and that the solution to Nigeria’s economic woes is to return to the farm, I am tempted to jump up and ask at full volume: “Who agriculture alone don epp?”
Some states have hilariously declared work-free days for civil servants to go to the farm. It would be nice to see those farms and how well the emergency farmers are doing. We’ve been told again and again that agriculture, as Nigeria’s biggest employer of labour, is the magic solution to unemployment, that we will export agricultural produce and earn plenty forex. Well done.
I’ve been hearing this fairy-tale all my life. When I was a primary school kid, Lt. Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo, then head of state, asked Nigerians to tighten their belts because the oil boom would not last forever. He added drama by tightening his military belt on TV. He launched Operation Feed the Nation. My grandfather responded by setting up a garden in our backyard. President Shehu Shagari did Green Revolution. The structural adjustment programme (SAP) of Gen. Ibrahim Babangida was basically about diversifying into agriculture. In different shapes, forms, sizes and packaging, we have been talking about agriculture, agriculture and agriculture forever.
Since we love glamorising our exploits in the export of cocoa, coffee, palm oil and groundnuts before the oil boom doom, I will pick on just cocoa to dispel this ill-conceived notion and never-ending campaign that agriculture is the magic wand.
We used to be the biggest producers of cocoa in the world. Chief Obafemi Awolowo utilised cocoa revenue to develop the south-west when he was premier of the region in the 1950s. But we dropped the ball along the line and Cote d’Ivoire overtook us. And now we are lamenting that we are nowhere to be found. The solution, therefore, is for the south-west to revive the cocoa farms. Oh, the good old days!
Okay, let us talk about Cote d’Ivoire’s fabled cocoa wealth. Cote d’Ivoire produces 33% of world cocoa and exports to manufacturers such as Hershey’s, Mars Inc. (both in the US) and Nestlé (Switzerland). You know what Cote d’Ivoire earns yearly from exporting raw cocoa? A whopping $2.5bn. I repeat: a whopping $2.5bn!
So Mars buys Ivorien cocoa and makes several products from it: Bounty, M&M, Mars and Milky Way, to name a few. You know Mars’ net income from chocolate products alone in 2015?
According to the International Cocoa Organisation (ICCO), Mars made a pathetic $18bn, compared to Cote d’Ivoire’s whopping $2.5bn. Agriculture, indeed.
If you are wondering how just one company, which manufactures chocolate, can earn seven times more than a whole country, which farms and exports the cocoa input, then you are asking the same question with me: Who agriculture alone don epp?
On ICCO’s list of the world’s top 10 companies in net revenue from chocolate, you have three from America, two from Japan, two from Switzerland, and one each from Luxemburg/Italy, Argentina and Turkey. None from Cote d’Ivoire, Ghana and Indonesia — the world’s three biggest producers of raw cocoa. There must be something that Hershey’s, Mars and Nestlé know that we don’t know as we keep planting cocoa.
To be fair, Cote d’Ivoire is waking up. In 2015, French chocolatier Cémoi opened a plant in Abidjan, the economic capital, to produce chocolate. President Alassane Ouattara, on touring the plant, said: “We want to be able to make chocolate for Ivoriens, for Africans and especially West Africans.” Ouattara (pronounced Wa-ta-ra) understands what we still don’t understand here: that agriculture without industry is dead, being alone.
How could I buy cocoa worth $1m from you and make chocolate worth $10 million from it — and you think you are smart? If you are smart, you will start making the chocolate yourself and stop romanticising about the “good old days”.
There was a video that went viral sometime ago. CNN’s Richard Quest visited a cocoa farm in Cote d’Ivoire. Come and see poverty written all over the faces of the farmers, who have been told for decades that agriculture is the magic solution to their problems. Quest gave the farmers bars of chocolate. They were eating the sweet stuff for the first time in their lives!
Compare their lives to those of the executives of Mars Inc., who buy the cocoa beans from Cote d’Ivoire. They are flying private jets and holidaying in the moon, while the Ivorien farmers are fighting off flies and bees in the bushes of Koffikro. For your information, Mars Inc. has no cocoa farms!
Don’t get me wrong please. If I have created the impression that agriculture is useless, I do apologise. That is not my intention. After all, agriculture is our culture. Millions of Nigerians are farming rice, beans, cassava and corn. That is huge employment. Also, we certainly can produce many food items that we are importing and burning precious forex on. But is that why governors are declaring work-free days for civil servants to go and plant melon and maize to solve Nigeria’s economic problem and stop the dependency on oil? If only these governors knew that Switzerland does not grow one tree of cocoa, yet makes the world’s most elegant chocolates!
Let us break this whole agric logic into pieces. If we really want to diversify from oil and create proper value, agriculture must give birth to industry. If agriculture currently employs, say, 5 million Nigerians, agro-allied industry can employ 15 million in the value chain. So why do we spend so much time discussing farming and not industry? For example, how many graduates can a tomato farm employ compared to a factory making tomato purée? The factory will employ or engage the services of engineers, technicians, chemists, marketers, accountants, communicators, lawyers, administrators, drivers, and so on. It may even have a sick bay and employ doctors and nurses.
I’m not done. A basket of tomatoes sells for N800 in Kaduna. A 400g tin of purée sells for N300. Look at how many bottles of purée you can get from a basket, and how much value you will be getting. Who, then, is making the real money? The factory will pay company tax, its employees will pay PAYE and the consumers will pay VAT. That is how government will boost its revenue.
The purée bottle makers offer a different business altogether that employs workers and pays all kinds of taxes too. And if we are good enough, we can begin to export purée to other countries, and earn forex. This is just purée. Think of a thousand agro-allied factories. Think of our huge population.
Sure, agriculture is very important in a primitive economy like ours. But we always miss the bigger picture. One, we need full optimisation of the sector to enhance productivity. A country like the US knows this much better: the percentage of the population engaged in farming is insignificant, but it is so optimised that the output is out of this world. For instance, the US produces enough rice for local consumption, for export, for aid and to dump in the sea to “stabilise” market prices. Two, processing is where you find the massive job opportunities. The agro-industry will yield far more output, more jobs and more economic value than Benue Friday Farming.
These things look so simple and doable, but commonsense is not common. Our agricultural output can be far better in quantity and quality than currently obtains. We can do with better technology, storage, conditioning, packaging and transportation. Most importantly, our brains should focus on how industry can bring out the real value of agriculture and spark off a chain of economic activities that will create millions of good jobs and generate billions of dollars in revenue to investors, employees and government. But we seem excited only about preaching and promoting the export of raw produce, and we feel so smart we think this is the way out of our oil dependency!
But how can we add value when, despite the billions of dollars we have made from oil since 1999, we don’t have the basic infrastructure to inspire an agro-based industrial explosion? Where are the roads? Where are the rails? Where is the electricity? Where is the security? Where is the finance? Yet I can point to uncountable private jets, mansions and customised cars that politicians and their friends have acquired since 1999 with proceeds from the oil boom , while they keep preaching stone-age agriculture to Nigerians.
So if your governor joins this craze of declaring work-free days for primitive farming, just ask him politely:Your Excellency, who agriculture alone don epp?
Follow us on twitter @thecableng
Copyright 2016 TheCable.
3 Wives in a day
*The End Time is here*
INCREDIBLE...
Man Weds Three Women in One Day!...
Inside a church in Zaire, a Pastor has flipped a verse of the Bible to accommodate polygamy. Consulted by a Business Millionaire, the Senior Pastor ransacked the Bible and finally arrived at a verse to support the "Holy Matrimony".
Quoting Isaiah 4:1, the Pastor joined the notable influential member with three women. The verse says: "And in that day, seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, we will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach."
Endtime is finally here!!!
INCREDIBLE...
Man Weds Three Women in One Day!...
Inside a church in Zaire, a Pastor has flipped a verse of the Bible to accommodate polygamy. Consulted by a Business Millionaire, the Senior Pastor ransacked the Bible and finally arrived at a verse to support the "Holy Matrimony".
Quoting Isaiah 4:1, the Pastor joined the notable influential member with three women. The verse says: "And in that day, seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, we will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach."
Endtime is finally here!!!
The Special 10
10 FANTASTIC WORDS.
1. The most selfish one letter word.
" I "
Avoid it.
2. The most satisfying two letter word.
"We"
Use it.
3. The most poisonous three letter word.
"Ego"
Kill it.
4. The most used four letter word.
"Love"
Value it.
5. The most pleasing five letter word.
"Smile"
Keep it
6. The fastest spreading six letter word.
"Rumour"
Ignore it.
7. The hard working seven letter word.
"Success"
Achieve it.
8. The most enviable eight letter word.
"Jealousy"
Distance it.
9. The most powerful nine letter word.
"Knowledge"
Acquire it.
10. The most divine ten letter word.
"Friendship"
Maintain it....
Have Fun in life
Good morning
1. The most selfish one letter word.
" I "
Avoid it.
2. The most satisfying two letter word.
"We"
Use it.
3. The most poisonous three letter word.
"Ego"
Kill it.
4. The most used four letter word.
"Love"
Value it.
5. The most pleasing five letter word.
"Smile"
Keep it
6. The fastest spreading six letter word.
"Rumour"
Ignore it.
7. The hard working seven letter word.
"Success"
Achieve it.
8. The most enviable eight letter word.
"Jealousy"
Distance it.
9. The most powerful nine letter word.
"Knowledge"
Acquire it.
10. The most divine ten letter word.
"Friendship"
Maintain it....
Have Fun in life
Good morning
Monday, 29 August 2016
Old n New
Copied
Stop calling workers with old titles. Just use new titles.
Please address them accordingly and they will like it and work *HARDER* for you.
OLD: *Garden Boy*
NEW: *Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist*
OLD: *Receptionist*
NEW: *Front Desk Controler*
OLD: *Typist*
NEW: *Printed Document Handler*
OLD: *Messenger*
NEW: *Business Communication Conveyer*
OLD: *Window Cleaner*
NEW: *Transparent Wall Technician*
OLD: *Temporary Teacher*
NEW: *Associate Tutor*
OLD: *Tea Boy*
NEW: *Refreshment Director*
OLD: *Garbage Collector*
NEW: *Environmental Sanitation Technician/Engineers
OLD: *Guard*
NEW: *Security Enforcement Director*
OLD: *Thief*
NEW: *Wealth Distribution Officer*
OLD: *Driver*
NEW: *Automobile Propulsion Specialist*
OLD: *Maid*
NEW: *Domestics Managing Director*
OLD: *Cook*
NEW: *Food Chemist*
OLD: *Gossip*
NEW: *Oral Research and Evaluation Director*
Stop calling workers with old titles. Just use new titles.
Please address them accordingly and they will like it and work *HARDER* for you.
OLD: *Garden Boy*
NEW: *Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist*
OLD: *Receptionist*
NEW: *Front Desk Controler*
OLD: *Typist*
NEW: *Printed Document Handler*
OLD: *Messenger*
NEW: *Business Communication Conveyer*
OLD: *Window Cleaner*
NEW: *Transparent Wall Technician*
OLD: *Temporary Teacher*
NEW: *Associate Tutor*
OLD: *Tea Boy*
NEW: *Refreshment Director*
OLD: *Garbage Collector*
NEW: *Environmental Sanitation Technician/Engineers
OLD: *Guard*
NEW: *Security Enforcement Director*
OLD: *Thief*
NEW: *Wealth Distribution Officer*
OLD: *Driver*
NEW: *Automobile Propulsion Specialist*
OLD: *Maid*
NEW: *Domestics Managing Director*
OLD: *Cook*
NEW: *Food Chemist*
OLD: *Gossip*
NEW: *Oral Research and Evaluation Director*
Sunday, 28 August 2016
Balance Sheet
*BALANCE SHEET Of LIFE*:
Birth is your
*Opening Stock.*
What comes to you
is
*Credit.*
What goes from you
is
*Debit.*
Death is your
*Closing Stock.*
Your good deeds are your
*Assets.*
Your bad deeds are
your *Liabilities.*
Your paradise is
your
*Profit.*
Your hell fire is your
*Loss.*
Your soul is your
*Goodwill.*
Your heart is your
*fixed*
*Assets*
Your character is
your
*Capital.*
Your knowledge is
your
*Investment*
Your age is your
*Depreciation.*
And finally :
ALWAYS REMEMBER, GOD IS YOUR AUDITOR.
Have a perfect Balance Sheet...
Birth is your
*Opening Stock.*
What comes to you
is
*Credit.*
What goes from you
is
*Debit.*
Death is your
*Closing Stock.*
Your good deeds are your
*Assets.*
Your bad deeds are
your *Liabilities.*
Your paradise is
your
*Profit.*
Your hell fire is your
*Loss.*
Your soul is your
*Goodwill.*
Your heart is your
*fixed*
*Assets*
Your character is
your
*Capital.*
Your knowledge is
your
*Investment*
Your age is your
*Depreciation.*
And finally :
ALWAYS REMEMBER, GOD IS YOUR AUDITOR.
Have a perfect Balance Sheet...
Tuesday, 23 August 2016
Agriculture n Farming
We need to rethink the hype about agriculture. Farming is not it,, it is the business of agriculture. Read the piece below.
A lengthy read but worth reading for any Agripreneuer...
One of the best reads in recent times. We should learn and practice it. Abeg don't run with the headline.
----------------------------------------☆☆☆
Agriculture is NOT the MAGIC solution
Simon Kolawole
Anytime I hear Nigerian presidents, ministers, governors, economists, analysts and commentators declare that agriculture is the alternative to oil, and that the solution to Nigeria’s economic woes is to return to the farm, I am tempted to jump up and ask at full volume: “Who agriculture alone don epp?”
Some states have hilariously declared work-free days for civil servants to go to the farm. It would be nice to see those farms and how well the emergency farmers are doing. We’ve been told again and again that agriculture, as Nigeria’s biggest employer of labour, is the magic solution to unemployment, that we will export agricultural produce and earn plenty forex. Well done.
I’ve been hearing this fairy-tale all my life. When I was a primary school kid, Lt. Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo, then head of state, asked Nigerians to tighten their belts because the oil boom would not last forever. He added drama by tightening his military belt on TV. He launched Operation Feed the Nation. My grandfather responded by setting up a garden in our backyard. President Shehu Shagari did Green Revolution. The structural adjustment programme (SAP) of Gen. Ibrahim Babangida was basically about diversifying into agriculture. In different shapes, forms, sizes and packaging, we have been talking about agriculture, agriculture and agriculture forever.
Since we love glamorising our exploits in the export of cocoa, coffee, palm oil and groundnuts before the oil boom doom, I will pick on just cocoa to dispel this ill-conceived notion and never-ending campaign that agriculture is the magic wand.
We used to be the biggest producers of cocoa in the world. Chief Obafemi Awolowo utilised cocoa revenue to develop the south-west when he was premier of the region in the 1950s. But we dropped the ball along the line and Cote d’Ivoire overtook us. And now we are lamenting that we are nowhere to be found. The solution, therefore, is for the south-west to revive the cocoa farms. Oh, the good old days!
Okay, let us talk about Cote d’Ivoire’s fabled cocoa wealth. Cote d’Ivoire produces 33% of world cocoa and exports to manufacturers such as Hershey’s, Mars Inc. (both in the US) and Nestlé (Switzerland). You know what Cote d’Ivoire earns yearly from exporting raw cocoa? A whopping $2.5bn. I repeat: a whopping $2.5bn!
So Mars buys Ivorien cocoa and makes several products from it: Bounty, M&M, Mars and Milky Way, to name a few. You know Mars’ net income from chocolate products alone in 2015?
According to the International Cocoa Organisation (ICCO), Mars made a pathetic $18bn, compared to Cote d’Ivoire’s whopping $2.5bn. Agriculture, indeed.
If you are wondering how just one company, which manufactures chocolate, can earn seven times more than a whole country, which farms and exports the cocoa input, then you are asking the same question with me: Who agriculture alone don epp?
On ICCO’s list of the world’s top 10 companies in net revenue from chocolate, you have three from America, two from Japan, two from Switzerland, and one each from Luxemburg/Italy, Argentina and Turkey. None from Cote d’Ivoire, Ghana and Indonesia — the world’s three biggest producers of raw cocoa. There must be something that Hershey’s, Mars and Nestlé know that we don’t know as we keep planting cocoa.
To be fair, Cote d’Ivoire is waking up. In 2015, French chocolatier Cémoi opened a plant in Abidjan, the economic capital, to produce chocolate. President Alassane Ouattara, on touring the plant, said: “We want to be able to make chocolate for Ivoriens, for Africans and especially West Africans.” Ouattara (pronounced Wa-ta-ra) understands what we still don’t understand here: that agriculture without industry is dead, being alone.
How could I buy cocoa worth $1m from you and make chocolate worth $10 million from it — and you think you are smart? If you are smart, you will start making the chocolate yourself and stop romanticising about the “good old days”.
There was a video that went viral sometime ago. CNN’s Richard Quest visited a cocoa farm in Cote d’Ivoire. Come and see poverty written all over the faces of the farmers, who have been told for decades that agriculture is the magic solution to their problems. Quest gave the farmers bars of chocolate. They were eating the sweet stuff for the first time in their lives!
Compare their lives to those of the executives of Mars Inc., who buy the cocoa beans from Cote d’Ivoire. They are flying private jets and holidaying in the moon, while the Ivorien farmers are fighting off flies and bees in the bushes of Koffikro. For your information, Mars Inc. has no cocoa farms!
Don’t get me wrong please. If I have created the impression that agriculture is useless, I do apologise. That is not my intention. After all, agriculture is our culture. Millions of Nigerians are farming rice, beans, cassava and corn. That is huge employment. Also, we certainly can produce many food items that we are importing and burning precious forex on. But is that why governors are declaring work-free days for civil servants to go and plant melon and maize to solve Nigeria’s economic problem and stop the dependency on oil? If only these governors knew that Switzerland does not grow one tree of cocoa, yet makes the world’s most elegant chocolates!
Let us break this whole agric logic into pieces. If we really want to diversify from oil and create proper value, agriculture must give birth to industry. If agriculture currently employs, say, 5 million Nigerians, agro-allied industry can employ 15 million in the value chain. So why do we spend so much time discussing farming and not industry? For example, how many graduates can a tomato farm employ compared to a factory making tomato purée? The factory will employ or engage the services of engineers, technicians, chemists, marketers, accountants, communicators, lawyers, administrators, drivers, and so on. It may even have a sick bay and employ doctors and nurses.
I’m not done. A basket of tomatoes sells for N800 in Kaduna. A 400g tin of purée sells for N300. Look at how many bottles of purée you can get from a basket, and how much value you will be getting. Who, then, is making the real money? The factory will pay company tax, its employees will pay PAYE and the consumers will pay VAT. That is how government will boost its revenue.
The purée bottle makers offer a different business altogether that employs workers and pays all kinds of taxes too. And if we are good enough, we can begin to export purée to other countries, and earn forex. This is just purée. Think of a thousand agro-allied factories. Think of our huge population.
Sure, agriculture is very important in a primitive economy like ours. But we always miss the bigger picture. One, we need full optimisation of the sector to enhance productivity. A country like the US knows this much better: the percentage of the population engaged in farming is insignificant, but it is so optimised that the output is out of this world. For instance, the US produces enough rice for local consumption, for export, for aid and to dump in the sea to “stabilise” market prices. Two, processing is where you find the massive job opportunities. The agro-industry will yield far more output, more jobs and more economic value than Benue Friday Farming.
These things look so simple and doable, but commonsense is not common. Our agricultural output can be far better in quantity and quality than currently obtains. We can do with better technology, storage, conditioning, packaging and transportation. Most importantly, our brains should focus on how industry can bring out the real value of agriculture and spark off a chain of economic activities that will create millions of good jobs and generate billions of dollars in revenue to investors, employees and government. But we seem excited only about preaching and promoting the export of raw produce, and we feel so smart we think this is the way out of our oil dependency!
But how can we add value when, despite the billions of dollars we have made from oil since 1999, we don’t have the basic infrastructure to inspire an agro-based industrial explosion? Where are the roads? Where are the rails? Where is the electricity? Where is the security? Where is the finance? Yet I can point to uncountable private jets, mansions and customised cars that politicians and their friends have acquired since 1999 with proceeds from the oil boom , while they keep preaching stone-age agriculture to Nigerians.
So if your governor joins this craze of declaring work-free days for primitive farming, just ask him politely:Your Excellency, who agriculture alone don epp?
Copyright 2016 TheCable.
A lengthy read but worth reading for any Agripreneuer...
One of the best reads in recent times. We should learn and practice it. Abeg don't run with the headline.
----------------------------------------☆☆☆
Agriculture is NOT the MAGIC solution
Simon Kolawole
Anytime I hear Nigerian presidents, ministers, governors, economists, analysts and commentators declare that agriculture is the alternative to oil, and that the solution to Nigeria’s economic woes is to return to the farm, I am tempted to jump up and ask at full volume: “Who agriculture alone don epp?”
Some states have hilariously declared work-free days for civil servants to go to the farm. It would be nice to see those farms and how well the emergency farmers are doing. We’ve been told again and again that agriculture, as Nigeria’s biggest employer of labour, is the magic solution to unemployment, that we will export agricultural produce and earn plenty forex. Well done.
I’ve been hearing this fairy-tale all my life. When I was a primary school kid, Lt. Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo, then head of state, asked Nigerians to tighten their belts because the oil boom would not last forever. He added drama by tightening his military belt on TV. He launched Operation Feed the Nation. My grandfather responded by setting up a garden in our backyard. President Shehu Shagari did Green Revolution. The structural adjustment programme (SAP) of Gen. Ibrahim Babangida was basically about diversifying into agriculture. In different shapes, forms, sizes and packaging, we have been talking about agriculture, agriculture and agriculture forever.
Since we love glamorising our exploits in the export of cocoa, coffee, palm oil and groundnuts before the oil boom doom, I will pick on just cocoa to dispel this ill-conceived notion and never-ending campaign that agriculture is the magic wand.
We used to be the biggest producers of cocoa in the world. Chief Obafemi Awolowo utilised cocoa revenue to develop the south-west when he was premier of the region in the 1950s. But we dropped the ball along the line and Cote d’Ivoire overtook us. And now we are lamenting that we are nowhere to be found. The solution, therefore, is for the south-west to revive the cocoa farms. Oh, the good old days!
Okay, let us talk about Cote d’Ivoire’s fabled cocoa wealth. Cote d’Ivoire produces 33% of world cocoa and exports to manufacturers such as Hershey’s, Mars Inc. (both in the US) and Nestlé (Switzerland). You know what Cote d’Ivoire earns yearly from exporting raw cocoa? A whopping $2.5bn. I repeat: a whopping $2.5bn!
So Mars buys Ivorien cocoa and makes several products from it: Bounty, M&M, Mars and Milky Way, to name a few. You know Mars’ net income from chocolate products alone in 2015?
According to the International Cocoa Organisation (ICCO), Mars made a pathetic $18bn, compared to Cote d’Ivoire’s whopping $2.5bn. Agriculture, indeed.
If you are wondering how just one company, which manufactures chocolate, can earn seven times more than a whole country, which farms and exports the cocoa input, then you are asking the same question with me: Who agriculture alone don epp?
On ICCO’s list of the world’s top 10 companies in net revenue from chocolate, you have three from America, two from Japan, two from Switzerland, and one each from Luxemburg/Italy, Argentina and Turkey. None from Cote d’Ivoire, Ghana and Indonesia — the world’s three biggest producers of raw cocoa. There must be something that Hershey’s, Mars and Nestlé know that we don’t know as we keep planting cocoa.
To be fair, Cote d’Ivoire is waking up. In 2015, French chocolatier Cémoi opened a plant in Abidjan, the economic capital, to produce chocolate. President Alassane Ouattara, on touring the plant, said: “We want to be able to make chocolate for Ivoriens, for Africans and especially West Africans.” Ouattara (pronounced Wa-ta-ra) understands what we still don’t understand here: that agriculture without industry is dead, being alone.
How could I buy cocoa worth $1m from you and make chocolate worth $10 million from it — and you think you are smart? If you are smart, you will start making the chocolate yourself and stop romanticising about the “good old days”.
There was a video that went viral sometime ago. CNN’s Richard Quest visited a cocoa farm in Cote d’Ivoire. Come and see poverty written all over the faces of the farmers, who have been told for decades that agriculture is the magic solution to their problems. Quest gave the farmers bars of chocolate. They were eating the sweet stuff for the first time in their lives!
Compare their lives to those of the executives of Mars Inc., who buy the cocoa beans from Cote d’Ivoire. They are flying private jets and holidaying in the moon, while the Ivorien farmers are fighting off flies and bees in the bushes of Koffikro. For your information, Mars Inc. has no cocoa farms!
Don’t get me wrong please. If I have created the impression that agriculture is useless, I do apologise. That is not my intention. After all, agriculture is our culture. Millions of Nigerians are farming rice, beans, cassava and corn. That is huge employment. Also, we certainly can produce many food items that we are importing and burning precious forex on. But is that why governors are declaring work-free days for civil servants to go and plant melon and maize to solve Nigeria’s economic problem and stop the dependency on oil? If only these governors knew that Switzerland does not grow one tree of cocoa, yet makes the world’s most elegant chocolates!
Let us break this whole agric logic into pieces. If we really want to diversify from oil and create proper value, agriculture must give birth to industry. If agriculture currently employs, say, 5 million Nigerians, agro-allied industry can employ 15 million in the value chain. So why do we spend so much time discussing farming and not industry? For example, how many graduates can a tomato farm employ compared to a factory making tomato purée? The factory will employ or engage the services of engineers, technicians, chemists, marketers, accountants, communicators, lawyers, administrators, drivers, and so on. It may even have a sick bay and employ doctors and nurses.
I’m not done. A basket of tomatoes sells for N800 in Kaduna. A 400g tin of purée sells for N300. Look at how many bottles of purée you can get from a basket, and how much value you will be getting. Who, then, is making the real money? The factory will pay company tax, its employees will pay PAYE and the consumers will pay VAT. That is how government will boost its revenue.
The purée bottle makers offer a different business altogether that employs workers and pays all kinds of taxes too. And if we are good enough, we can begin to export purée to other countries, and earn forex. This is just purée. Think of a thousand agro-allied factories. Think of our huge population.
Sure, agriculture is very important in a primitive economy like ours. But we always miss the bigger picture. One, we need full optimisation of the sector to enhance productivity. A country like the US knows this much better: the percentage of the population engaged in farming is insignificant, but it is so optimised that the output is out of this world. For instance, the US produces enough rice for local consumption, for export, for aid and to dump in the sea to “stabilise” market prices. Two, processing is where you find the massive job opportunities. The agro-industry will yield far more output, more jobs and more economic value than Benue Friday Farming.
These things look so simple and doable, but commonsense is not common. Our agricultural output can be far better in quantity and quality than currently obtains. We can do with better technology, storage, conditioning, packaging and transportation. Most importantly, our brains should focus on how industry can bring out the real value of agriculture and spark off a chain of economic activities that will create millions of good jobs and generate billions of dollars in revenue to investors, employees and government. But we seem excited only about preaching and promoting the export of raw produce, and we feel so smart we think this is the way out of our oil dependency!
But how can we add value when, despite the billions of dollars we have made from oil since 1999, we don’t have the basic infrastructure to inspire an agro-based industrial explosion? Where are the roads? Where are the rails? Where is the electricity? Where is the security? Where is the finance? Yet I can point to uncountable private jets, mansions and customised cars that politicians and their friends have acquired since 1999 with proceeds from the oil boom , while they keep preaching stone-age agriculture to Nigerians.
So if your governor joins this craze of declaring work-free days for primitive farming, just ask him politely:Your Excellency, who agriculture alone don epp?
Copyright 2016 TheCable.
Monday, 22 August 2016
A TALE OF 2 OLYMPICS
A TALE OF TWO OLYMPIC MOVEMENTS - (Please let's stop this continuing celebration of mediocrity and let's get to work immediately)
I really don't support celebrating mediocrity in any form. Over the last few years, I have come to realize that Africa's bigger developmental impediment is the acceptance of mediocrity as a norm and not corruption, as we love to think. Certainly, MEDIOCRITY trumps CORRUPTION in my books. The 'make we manage am so' mentality. Or the 'after-all, at-all at-all nah hin bad' syndrome.
In the case of our OLYMPICS journey, how else can we explain this: Exactly 20yrs ago at the 1996 Atlanta games, Nigeria's 2 Gold, 1 Silver and 3 Bronze medals topped Great Britain on the medals table at those games. We came in at 32nd position, while team GB with 1 Gold medal finished at the 35th spot on the overall medals table.
Britain said NEVER AGAIN and NO to 'make we manage am so'. Their government went straight to work scrapped the previous Sports Council structure and set up UK Sports an independent body, driven by the private sector, to fix the perceived problem.
Their mandate, amongst others, was to set-up and administer a new sports funding policy/regime for Olympic and Paralympic sport in the UK. Cleverly, It channeled lottery funding together with the hitherto insufficient Dept of Culture funding to this new PPP. The rest is history as they say.
Their 20 year development plan (with its 8yr gestation period) led to 11 Gold in Sydney 2000. 15G in Athens 2004, 19Gold in Beijing 2008; 29G in London and now 2nd place(27G) in Rio - Britain's biggest medal haul at 67 medals in total.
Nigeria path since 1996: 1 Gold and 2 Silver in Sydney 2000; 2 bronze medals in Athens 2004; 2 silver in Beijing 2008; no medal in London 2012 and now a despicable 1 bronze in Rio.
Why do we do nothing, but lip service, after each games until 2months to the next Olympic Games? Even then, our preparations are then marred is one controversy or the other. Yet we expect a successful outcome at each appearance. PURE DEFINITION of MADNESS, or what?
Indeed, I hope you can see my tale of the 2 countries 20yr Olympic trajectory.
Secondly, let's also note that India with its 1.1b population (one silver @ Rio ), and Nigeria with its 189m people (1 bronze @ Rio) are literally at the bottom of the medal efficient or 'sports development' efficiency index.
Jamaica (and maybe Fiji) arguably tops the list with her 3.5m population and 11 medals in Rio (6G inclusive). Very little wonder that Jamaica's global cultural narrative has changed over the last 20yrs from one of violence, drugs(weed) and reggae, to one of a successful sprint nation, tourism and reggae, if I may say so.
That perhaps is the best example of what sports does for a country amongst her peers. It's called SOFT POWER. We have missed out on this relatively cheaper opportunity to global goodwill at our peril.
While I am not suggesting we must be Team GB, I guess my question is : Where is our bench mark?
This is why my kudos to the Dream Team is so muted.
God bless Nigeria!
I really don't support celebrating mediocrity in any form. Over the last few years, I have come to realize that Africa's bigger developmental impediment is the acceptance of mediocrity as a norm and not corruption, as we love to think. Certainly, MEDIOCRITY trumps CORRUPTION in my books. The 'make we manage am so' mentality. Or the 'after-all, at-all at-all nah hin bad' syndrome.
In the case of our OLYMPICS journey, how else can we explain this: Exactly 20yrs ago at the 1996 Atlanta games, Nigeria's 2 Gold, 1 Silver and 3 Bronze medals topped Great Britain on the medals table at those games. We came in at 32nd position, while team GB with 1 Gold medal finished at the 35th spot on the overall medals table.
Britain said NEVER AGAIN and NO to 'make we manage am so'. Their government went straight to work scrapped the previous Sports Council structure and set up UK Sports an independent body, driven by the private sector, to fix the perceived problem.
Their mandate, amongst others, was to set-up and administer a new sports funding policy/regime for Olympic and Paralympic sport in the UK. Cleverly, It channeled lottery funding together with the hitherto insufficient Dept of Culture funding to this new PPP. The rest is history as they say.
Their 20 year development plan (with its 8yr gestation period) led to 11 Gold in Sydney 2000. 15G in Athens 2004, 19Gold in Beijing 2008; 29G in London and now 2nd place(27G) in Rio - Britain's biggest medal haul at 67 medals in total.
Nigeria path since 1996: 1 Gold and 2 Silver in Sydney 2000; 2 bronze medals in Athens 2004; 2 silver in Beijing 2008; no medal in London 2012 and now a despicable 1 bronze in Rio.
Why do we do nothing, but lip service, after each games until 2months to the next Olympic Games? Even then, our preparations are then marred is one controversy or the other. Yet we expect a successful outcome at each appearance. PURE DEFINITION of MADNESS, or what?
Indeed, I hope you can see my tale of the 2 countries 20yr Olympic trajectory.
Secondly, let's also note that India with its 1.1b population (one silver @ Rio ), and Nigeria with its 189m people (1 bronze @ Rio) are literally at the bottom of the medal efficient or 'sports development' efficiency index.
Jamaica (and maybe Fiji) arguably tops the list with her 3.5m population and 11 medals in Rio (6G inclusive). Very little wonder that Jamaica's global cultural narrative has changed over the last 20yrs from one of violence, drugs(weed) and reggae, to one of a successful sprint nation, tourism and reggae, if I may say so.
That perhaps is the best example of what sports does for a country amongst her peers. It's called SOFT POWER. We have missed out on this relatively cheaper opportunity to global goodwill at our peril.
While I am not suggesting we must be Team GB, I guess my question is : Where is our bench mark?
This is why my kudos to the Dream Team is so muted.
God bless Nigeria!
Amazing Fone
My android phone don chop my money tire, na him I come vex yesterday sell am, come take some money buy Chinaphone! The phone get TV, Touch screen, Nail cutter, Fire lighter etc.
I fit write Text message with toothpicks sef. But now am in bigger trouble!!!
1. E go full after 3 minutes of charging.
2. The spellings get mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry, i-pon, samswag etc.
3. When aeroplane pass, e go record "One missed Call".
4. When a big car horn; e go show "Charger connected"
5. When Chinese man pass, e go show: "One Bluetooth device found"
6. When fine lady waka pass, e go show "WiFi On"
7. When ugly lady waka pass, e go show, "Virus detected"
Abeg ooo! I wan sell am! Who wan buy ooo? Even as I dey find buyer, e dey show me for screen say "No contacts found"
I fit write Text message with toothpicks sef. But now am in bigger trouble!!!
1. E go full after 3 minutes of charging.
2. The spellings get mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry, i-pon, samswag etc.
3. When aeroplane pass, e go record "One missed Call".
4. When a big car horn; e go show "Charger connected"
5. When Chinese man pass, e go show: "One Bluetooth device found"
6. When fine lady waka pass, e go show "WiFi On"
7. When ugly lady waka pass, e go show, "Virus detected"
Abeg ooo! I wan sell am! Who wan buy ooo? Even as I dey find buyer, e dey show me for screen say "No contacts found"
Friday, 19 August 2016
Naija at Olympics
Small time Ijaw men go jump enter water like fish, See swimming for Olympics, ZERO medal for Nigeria. Igbo man go dey tumble for Atilogwu, see gymnastics for Olympics, no entry. Hausa man go enter boat dey shout Argungu Fishing Festival, See Rowing at the Olympics, ZERO medal for Nigeria. Fulani herdsmen fit shoot arrow from 1km kill anyone wey wan steal dem cow, Olympics reach, make dem go do Archery dem no gree show face. Yoruba man will remove clothes, wrist watch and pant to fight at Ojuelegba. See boxing at the Olympics, zero medal. The one wey vex me pass na Warri people.
Warri man go say Warri no dey carry last......wetin Blessing Okagbare, our own Warri girl carry for 100m Olympic finals?
No be last..? I taya 4 Naija sef. Una well done,This oyinbo people, no be today dia sense start. They just took all their hobbies and arranged them as Olympic sport. As in, what am I seeing? Water polo, Dancing horses, Fencing etc. Then they invite us knowing our sense
never pass football and 100m. So we are just there to watch them carry 30, 60 gold medals while we are battling for 2.
We should organise a protest o. We must boycott this Olympic 419 games until they add more afrocentric sports like...
- Hot eba swallowing competition
- ludo
- fashion and make up
- ten-ten
- molue-jumping
- fence-flying
- okada race
- spending money
- gele-tying
- beating traffic
-draft playing
-baba ijebu.Breaking of Bottle with head.
Warri man go say Warri no dey carry last......wetin Blessing Okagbare, our own Warri girl carry for 100m Olympic finals?
No be last..? I taya 4 Naija sef. Una well done,This oyinbo people, no be today dia sense start. They just took all their hobbies and arranged them as Olympic sport. As in, what am I seeing? Water polo, Dancing horses, Fencing etc. Then they invite us knowing our sense
never pass football and 100m. So we are just there to watch them carry 30, 60 gold medals while we are battling for 2.
We should organise a protest o. We must boycott this Olympic 419 games until they add more afrocentric sports like...
- Hot eba swallowing competition
- ludo
- fashion and make up
- ten-ten
- molue-jumping
- fence-flying
- okada race
- spending money
- gele-tying
- beating traffic
-draft playing
-baba ijebu.Breaking of Bottle with head.
Special God
🍃🌿🍃🌿Superb story...
Must read
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to the King, "Do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, he makes no mistakes."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃 🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty from losing a finger.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Furious and without showing gratitude,
the King said; "if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
The servant replied 'despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong'.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not "complete" to be offered to their God.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On his return to the
palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; "My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger. I was let go."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
But I have a question; "If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison?"
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
His servant replied; "My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Often we complain about life, and the negative thinking in us kills the positivity in us...So think positive and trust God at every moment....
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
God knows why he chose you to read this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it.
🍃God is good and perfect!!
🌿Thank God....Be in Gratitude always 🌺
🍃
Must read
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to the King, "Do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, he makes no mistakes."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃 🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty from losing a finger.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Furious and without showing gratitude,
the King said; "if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
The servant replied 'despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong'.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not "complete" to be offered to their God.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On his return to the
palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; "My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger. I was let go."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
But I have a question; "If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison?"
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
His servant replied; "My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Often we complain about life, and the negative thinking in us kills the positivity in us...So think positive and trust God at every moment....
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
God knows why he chose you to read this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it.
🍃God is good and perfect!!
🌿Thank God....Be in Gratitude always 🌺
🍃
Smart Kid
A female class teacher was having a problem wit a
boy in her class in Pri 3.
The boy said, "Madam,i should be in Primary 4.i am
smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy 2 d
principal. D principal decided to test the boy with
some questions from Primary 4.
Principal: What is 3+3?
Boy: 6.
Principal: 6+6.
Boy: 12.
The boy got all the questions right.D principal told
the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4
immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and
the principal agreed.
Madam: Wat does a cow have 4 of that I have only
2?
Boy: Legs.
Madam: Wat is in your trousers that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets.
Madam: Wat starts wit a C and ends with T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish
liquid?
Boy: Coconut.
Madam: Wat goes in hard and then comes out soft
and sticky?
(The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before
he could stop the answer, the boy was taking
charge)
Boy: Bubble gum.
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me
down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent.
(The principal was looking restless)
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle wit me
when you are bored. D best man always has me
first.
Boy: Wedding ring.
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose.
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I
come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow.
Principal: Jesus!
Madam: Wat starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if
you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.
Madam: Wat is it that all men have, it's longer in
some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his
and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname.
Principal: Chinekemeee!!
Madam: Wat part of d man has no bone but has
muscles wit a lot of veins lyk pumpkin and is
responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart.
Principal: Eeeeeehhhhh!!!
D principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the
Madam,"Send this BLOODY boy to d university.
boy in her class in Pri 3.
The boy said, "Madam,i should be in Primary 4.i am
smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy 2 d
principal. D principal decided to test the boy with
some questions from Primary 4.
Principal: What is 3+3?
Boy: 6.
Principal: 6+6.
Boy: 12.
The boy got all the questions right.D principal told
the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4
immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and
the principal agreed.
Madam: Wat does a cow have 4 of that I have only
2?
Boy: Legs.
Madam: Wat is in your trousers that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets.
Madam: Wat starts wit a C and ends with T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish
liquid?
Boy: Coconut.
Madam: Wat goes in hard and then comes out soft
and sticky?
(The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before
he could stop the answer, the boy was taking
charge)
Boy: Bubble gum.
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me
down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent.
(The principal was looking restless)
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle wit me
when you are bored. D best man always has me
first.
Boy: Wedding ring.
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose.
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I
come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow.
Principal: Jesus!
Madam: Wat starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if
you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.
Madam: Wat is it that all men have, it's longer in
some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his
and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname.
Principal: Chinekemeee!!
Madam: Wat part of d man has no bone but has
muscles wit a lot of veins lyk pumpkin and is
responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart.
Principal: Eeeeeehhhhh!!!
D principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the
Madam,"Send this BLOODY boy to d university.
Content
🍃🌿🍃🌿Superb story...
Must read
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to the King, "Do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, he makes no mistakes."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃 🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty from losing a finger.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Furious and without showing gratitude,
the King said; "if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
The servant replied 'despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong'.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not "complete" to be offered to their God.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On his return to the
palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; "My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger. I was let go."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
But I have a question; "If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison?"
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
His servant replied; "My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Often we complain about life, and the negative thinking in us kills the positivity in us...So think positive and trust God at every moment....
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
God knows why he chose you to read this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it.
🍃God is good and perfect!!
🌿Thank God....Be in Gratitude always 🌺
🍃
Must read
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to the King, "Do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, he makes no mistakes."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃 🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty from losing a finger.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Furious and without showing gratitude,
the King said; "if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
The servant replied 'despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong'.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not "complete" to be offered to their God.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
On his return to the
palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; "My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger. I was let go."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
But I have a question; "If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison?"
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
His servant replied; "My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger."
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong.
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃
Often we complain about life, and the negative thinking in us kills the positivity in us...So think positive and trust God at every moment....
🍃🌿🍃🌿🍃🌿
God knows why he chose you to read this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it.
🍃God is good and perfect!!
🌿Thank God....Be in Gratitude always 🌺
🍃
Wisdom on Marriage
WORDS FROM A FATHER TO A SON ABOUT MARRIAGE
1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.
2. My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.
3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.
4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.
5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in-charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.
6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.
7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.
8. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.
9. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.
10. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.
11. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.
12. My son, your mother, Asake rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.
13. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?
14. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house, divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.
15. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.
16. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.
17. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.
18. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.
19. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.
20. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.
21. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.
22. My son, always talk to your wife because it will strengthen the bond between you. Don't spend too much time on what you call social media.
23. My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know, talk to God that know.
1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.
2. My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.
3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.
4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.
5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in-charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.
6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.
7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.
8. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.
9. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.
10. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.
11. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.
12. My son, your mother, Asake rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.
13. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?
14. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house, divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.
15. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.
16. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.
17. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.
18. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.
19. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.
20. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.
21. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.
22. My son, always talk to your wife because it will strengthen the bond between you. Don't spend too much time on what you call social media.
23. My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know, talk to God that know.
EVERGREEN
Things I've learnt in Life
I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.
I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT IN LIFE?
BY ELVIS GREY
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